| changing. |
[18 Jan 2004|03:40pm] |
and staying.
at sued.
wowiez. it's going to be different. way different.
|
|
|
[20 Dec 2003|08:10am] |
zoo left. quit. disabled. self-froze. is gone.
it's all my fucking fault.
i'm such a bitch.
kill me now.
|
|
|
[18 Dec 2003|03:42pm] |
i'm sorry.
for all the hearts i've twisted.
for all the souls i've torn.
for all the friends i've ignored.
for all the people i've left forlorn.
for all the tears i've shed.
for all the lives i've warped.
for all the joy i've felt.
for all the minds i've scarred.
for all the uneeded emotions.
for all the love i don't deserve.
for all the guilt i've given out.
for all the ones i haven't served.
for all the ones i've gotten mad at.
for all the ones i've wasted.
for all the suicidal thoughts.
for all the blood i've tasted.
for all the "i'm sorry."'s
for my uneeded prescence.
for all the bad things i've said.
for all the ungiven presents.
for spiritually loving you.
when you knew it was only fantasy.
most of all, for being me...
for existing in reality.
dedicated to everyone.. i'm sorry. <3
|
|
| MEMORYGONEWHUT? |
[14 Dec 2003|12:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
why can't i // liz phair |
] |
-spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazattack.-
--; MY STUPID ASS COMPUTER DECIDED TO NOT HAVE ENOUGH MEMORY.
So now I cannot do anything. Motherfucking thing. Grar.
I cannot make anymore icons, layouts, nor can I save anything to this goddamned server.
</end>
mmk. I'm fine now. :) NO NOT REALLY. but it's okay. we'll make like I am.
Don't tell me you didn't see that coming. ;D
Wellanyways. I will be moving to another LJ soon, seeing how I am a lazyarse and I don't want to delete all these posts that are clogging up my LJ and making it look hella ugly. o_o
So, uhm, I'll get back to deleting everything on my harddrive. Ta. =)
|
|
| :) backbackbackagain. |
[11 Dec 2003|03:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
my immortal // evanescence |
] |
but I was never really gone. :o
I'm so weak.
BUT, can you blame me? :) I don't think so.
o_o Anyways, it feels weird posting on LJ. For some reason. My cpu is still screwed so I can't change that "boo" on the comments thingy. Ignore it for now. Thnx.
SO. How is everyone doing? Me? M'fine. Isn't it convinient how I showed up just in time for the Holidays? Hahhhhh. Thought so.
Heh. My poem is going to be submitted in this Poetry Contest things. In Starbucks. I doubt I'm gonna win. Stupid teachers and their ideas. My poem wasn't isn't even good. God. And I'm procrastinating. It's 4 am in the morning and I still haven't wrote down any notes on Edgar Allen Poe for a presentation due tomorrow. I'm toast.
BUT PEOPLE ARE GONNA BURN WITH ME SO IT'S OKAY.
I just realized my posts are never intresting. D: I'm such a good observer. pfft.
I think my comp. has a virus...
uhm. yeah. peace out.
|
|
|
[20 Nov 2003|06:56am] |
My life on the net has been fullfilled,
good memories, friends, enemies, guilt.
Tears that were shed, are long gone,
and the happiness I once felt is faded, yet fond.
I could call this place my second home,
where I wasn't yelled at, and could freely roam.
Not under the strict rule of family and such,
yet I could only "virtually" feel, a loved ones touch.
And when I shut my eyes to think,
I can't help but find the link.
The link to why my life is sad,
is that I've been treated bad.
By others, but mostly myself and my will,
the urge to be joyous, and the urge to kill.
This I realized, I must leave this chamber,
of virtual reality, pixels, and somber.
My life, is at it's top, it's prime,
and yet I claim that it is fine.
But really, I should be enjoying life,
not enduring this stupidity, and neverending strife.
So I must close my dwelling of non-sane,
and shut down this machine of utmost pain.
When it comes cloudy, and it rains,
don't forget my existance, and the nothing that I gained.
I will return, when I do not know,
but I'll be back and ready to go.
For better or worst, I'll hold you dear,
all inside, my heart- right here. ♥
Goodbye my friends, I'll miss you a lot,
the times we laughed, and the times we fought.
And the goodwill that was 'round us will stay,
until I'm back again, not this unstable way.
It might be a year, or it might be a day,
you might see me back, in pause or play.
It hurts me so, to do this to you and me,
but this is the way it was meant to be.
|
|
| o_o |
[16 Nov 2003|04:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
boys and girls -- good charlotte |
] |
I keep messing up on journal icons. So I give up. Unless you have a request for me. THEN I'll do it. Cause I have no life. :D Yay?
sorry if I freaked any of you out, on the post below.
that was more like a rant to myself and my real life friends than to the internet. But it feels like I should quit. Everyday my intrest for neopets, and the computer itself- fades. WOW. That was deep. :o forget everything you just read. I'm crazy. ;)
Anyways, that's it. I'm gonna read all you kewli-o peeps journals now. Toodles. =D
|
|
|
[15 Nov 2003|10:30am] |
|
I quit.
|
|
| CAMP ERDMAN. :D |
[11 Nov 2003|04:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 somethinghappy+excited. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
1000 miles -- vanessa carlton |
] |
I'M GOING TO CAMP FOR TWO AND A HALF DAYS AND YOUR NOT. :) kthx.
so. camp = no computers. I'm sorry for all my lovely and dedicating fans a.k.a none of you losers.
Since this is the popular thing going 'round all the LJ's, I might as well post this as well (STOLEEN FROM COURT):
MARCH:
Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate. (when I wanna be) Shy and reserved. (sorta. o_o) Secretive. (sorta) Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. (!!!) Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
omigod. that thing is totally psychic. :]
edit
k. just saying bye to you all before I leave for camp. <33
I'LL BE GONE FOR TWO AND A HALF DAYS. Wow. Deja Vou.
Try to endure the pain. ;o Bye all.
|
|
| it's the weekend. (: wheeee. |
[08 Nov 2003|08:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
goodbye -- spice girls |
] |
like you care. -coughack.- o_o So, my dad left the comp off again. Since it's SATURDAY, I get to stay on, without disconnected internet. Score. =) But it's probably gonna get disconnected after Sunday. Coz my parents are like that.
asgsgpsg. I am so not cool. ): since I have nothing to do, I'll just stare at the screen and read your pointless or not so pointless LJ's. because I have no life. ISN'T THAT FUN? :D I think I'm going to sign up for gaia. depends how boring your LJ's are.
|
|
| Adios. o_o |
[07 Nov 2003|07:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 THE HELL. L84sk00l. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
[ me trying to pack my bag |
] |
Welllllllllllll, my mom actually thought I overdid this whole 'get-on-computer-and-ditch-my-homework-and-not-get-it-done-in-time'. Which I did, by the way. So, she told my dad to shut off the net. Guess what. He did. So after school I cannot come on the net. No AIM, no MSN, no FREAKING NOTHING.
I guess it's okay. :| I mean, it's the same like before. Except all I'm doing is staring at the TV screen as if it owns my life. -shrugs.- Well, yeah, just telling you people if you care. I might be gone. For like a month. I can only get on before school when my dad falls asleep and forgets to plug off the net. I r a genius. ;D But that rarley happens.. so yeah. o.o; Damnit. I hate that I don't have Computer Lab for any periods. *die die die*
( o.o Survey. Thingor. Ehhh. )
Kbaipplz. o_o Gotta run.
|
|
| heh. |
[02 Nov 2003|10:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 waasuossg |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
2sad4muzic |
] |
the motherfuckers froze convulsed. isn't that just dandy. I really screwed up this time, didn't I?
|
|
| Me and art don't mix. o_o |
[31 Oct 2003|08:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hyper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
My Last Breath -- Evanescence |
] |
Courtney keeps bugging me to join DeviantArt. I don't know why. My art is crap. I just started drawing five second shit coz it's funny and I was bored. I sorta like them, but they aren't GOOD ENOUGH. They're humorous. But no one can take it seriously and go 'OMGZ. 10/10'. :/ You know.
( Some pics I drew. o_o )
That's all. x) Oh. Am I a dumbass or what?
Happy Halloween.
(It's still 9 something here, so flake off. :( )
|
|
| Halllow-eeeeeeeen. =[ |
[31 Oct 2003|02:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Hands -- Jewel |
] |
Today at school was good. Free candy for me. FWAHAHA. o_o Who rules? Me. DUH. Nah. :/
Er, so I lied. About my costume. About the my little pony shit. I went to school as the woman from Tomb Raider. Some sexy black boots, shirt and short black jeans did the trick. And guns around my calves. Plastic ones. I can't afford real ones. Lmao. So me and Jennifer, my friend, went around pretending to kill people. It's lame. BUT IT WAS FUN. She was dressed as a samurai thingor (she's a manga freak.) and had this cardboard sword.
We were both like 'Don't make us use these.' So funny. =x
NOBODY HAS A FREAKIN HALLOWEEN PARTY. ): My only options are going trick or treating, or staying at home and being a nerd.... I chose the second one. Why? I have no costume, besides the Tomb Raider one and- I ferociously don't like it anymore. o.o Yep. Well I teased Sami today. She dressed up as a prom queen. -giggle smirk.- It was really.. wierd. On her head was a plastic tiara, and she had this banner across her red CHEESY dress that said 'Don't hate me coz I'm beautiful.'
So I went up to her and said 'I don't hate you coz you're beautiful. I hate you coz you're ugly. Kthxbai.' It pissed her off and like her posse were gonna mob me, but they got in t-r-u-b-b-le from the vice princibal. Busted.
EHHHHHHHH. Neopets is getting better. Don't say crap like 'it's fuckin stupid' coz I don't care, kay. :) Anyways, I had an argument with two idiots about evolution. Eh, it was funny. We ended up leaving the board though.. n_n Murr. I'm now in charge of Hafz's account. Bleh. e-e; I don't think I'm able to be trusted with 50 something k... -sigh.- >>;
Okay. That's all. Remember, I ♥ you. No. That's a lie. Forget I said it. =/
|
|
| May + Me + Language Arts + Neopian Times = A cheesy idea. |
[29 Oct 2003|01:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
everybody to the limit -- strong bad [homestarrunner.com |
] |
o_o I bet none of you are gonna read this. Anyways, this is basically a post-it note.. to myself. Yes. To myself. :/ Or anyone else who wants to read it. Whoopee-freakin-dee-da-doo. As you can guess by the title ^ there, I got this really cheesy idea for the NT. If you people know me well enough, you would know one of my goals is to get into the Neopian Times. I know it's lame, but a girl can dream, can't she? ;) Of course.
Fwahaha. I got it when I was thinking of all you people in Language Arts. You may imply, that it is obviously retarded and boring.. I mean, why else would I think of you? Nah. Kidding. :) Heh. Er. Yeah. So I was trying to list friends in alphabetical order, and stuff, when I started thinking about May. Why May, I have no dumbass clue. It was probably because I was thinking of the quiz that everyone posts in their freakin LJ. Mhm.
So.. May + Me + Language Arts + Neopian Times = A cheesy idea. You see, when I think about May, I think about draiks. Why? No clue. I thought you would've known that by now. :D Mwah. Yeah. I was thinking about draiks and the NT, and how Milkeh and Floofy made it- and I was feeling all sorry for myself, thinking that they only entered because I had the idea for an article with all of us and some more bull shit that wasn't entirely true.
Guess what happens next. I think up of an idea for a story. I start scribbling in my notebook like mad, and put down the details and whatnot. I think it's pretty good. Of course I won't show it to you yet.. unless it gets rejected, WHICH it probably will, since I'm an idiot writer who has no sense of reality. You dig? Yeapz.
In other news, I'm now obsessed with avatars. AGAIN, I have no idea why. Go ask that person over there, cause I gotta call my mom saying she has to go down to the school for the confrence. =( Damn.
|
|
| "Life isn't fair. Get over it." Pfft. BS. |
[28 Oct 2003|06:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
My Paper Heart -- Linkin Park |
] |
I had a fight with Leitha over MSN. :/ She changed and she obviously doesn't give a crap. I personally think it's pathetic that she thrives on Evanescence to gain some encouragment, self-approval, and some pride. Yeah, their songs are cool and stuff, but how can it inspire people to be 'themselves'. I liked her before she changed. She was funny, and cheerful and was a shouler I could virtually cry on when no one else was there.
..you know, I personally don't know why I'm against her now. We both can't say anything without fighting over something, and I don't really want to be close to her anymore. She acts all cool in the FC, and denies that she wants pity or attention.. but I know it's not true. Why else would she say 'I want to be hated.' If she wants to be hated, why doesn't she fucking go somewhere else? If she wants to be hated, she has no reason to stay in the FC with all that hatred.
God. To me it's, I look at it as if I'm the good guy, and she's the bad guy. But now that I think about it.. am I right? I mean, I've changed too. A lot. Sometimes I miss my old self, but I'm sorta content with what I am now. My old friends like Milkeh and BTM.. mean a lot to me, so I still hang on to that bit of thread, the only thing left of the person I used to be, just for them. So Idunno what I'm going through. A phase? Or does it just have to do with the fact that I fought with her at 5 am? -sigh.- Whatever.
I'm going to get ready for school now. <33
|
|
| Ugh. I don't know. |
[24 Oct 2003|11:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
My Immortal -- Evanescence |
] |
I cried. I cried.. not virtually. I cried. Over friends I lost.. virtual friends, over the net. Do you know how friggen pathetic that is? It means I can't get over the past, and move on with my life. e.e I disgust myself.. I mean, I cried, and listened to depressing songs for like, an hour- before I just started going perky, for some dumbass reason I forgot. I'm a moron.
Okay. Moving on. I started thinking about my self image today at school. I put my hair up in bun thingor, not like a bun, but a hair-tie... yeah. Bun + ponytail= the thing I had my hair in. If I had a webcam, I would show you. I think I'm getting one for christmas.. than you can see my ugly-ful face. Ahaha. Craptastic. :) Mhm, anyways I did that, for the first time. I usually just tie it in a regular ponytail, and don't care about what people think.
Once again... I disgust myself. No, seriously.
Mhm. We had Intermurals today (volleyball). Undefeatable team against undefeatable team.. Mustangs vs. Nighthawks. Guess who won? I came too late and couldn't play.. but we won. 34 to 18. After all we are undefeatable. Wooooooooooo. That was freakin pointless.
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it..
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. Do you consider me a good friend?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Would you make a move on me?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Do I cross your mind at least 2 times a day?
..I bet like only two people are going to fill this out, and thats okay, even if they put like our friendship is getting weaker or bull shit.. because I know I'm a bad friend. :( Sorry. It's just probably cause I don't have these experiences in real life, so I take advantages of them on the net..? Ahaha. Perhaps. :D I would be happy if at least one of you so-called-friends fill that survey thing out. Kay. o_o
|
|
| nerd-y. o_o |
[23 Oct 2003|07:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
[the jingling of the bracelets on my wrist |
] |
I'm such a nerd. I keep falling asleep. It's like I'm taking a nap. I thought I outgrew that disgusting habit. -shudder.- I slept for like.. three hours today. Gasp, I didn't finish my homework either. Goddamnit.
Um... I like Apple Cinammon Ricecakes. :D
[e]
I envy all the pretty people. Cuz they're pretty. Did you know I stalk pretty people? :(
Erin. I wanna be 2 HAWT 4 OVEN MYTZ.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
mirroredreality's journal
dorky
